I scraped the bottom of the cigarette butt and got me a real good
sample of the guy's saliva and separated it in the tiny little vials
that I liked to keep around for when I had to use them and broke down
the spit into it's constituent DNA. Then I ran the DNA against the same
type of crap that I had got off of the dead girl's hot pink ball gown.
It came back positive. It had taken some work, at least thirty minutes
of hard investigation, but I knew I had the bastard nailed good.

It had been a tough morning so far so I took a little break. I got into
a drawer and pulled out a flask of isopropyl alcohol and took a big 5cc
swig of it with a calibrated pipette and dumped it into a test tube. Then
I added a couple of other chemical additives that your average shmuck on
the street can't pronounce and held it over a bunsen burner until it turned
a bright royal blue. I always liked doing that. I like blue. It makes me
feel real good inside just to look at it.

Just when I thought things were going really good for a change Captain
Hornblower walked in. He was sucking on big bran muffin and had that look
he always had, that look that said, yeah, I went to Yale so you know I'm
right about everything.

"You think you got enough muffin there, Cap'n?" I asked him. I always
liked calling him "Cap'n." He didn't like it, but there wasn't one damned
line in the Portland Criminal Investigation Department Handbook that said
I couldn't shorten up titles a bit.

"You got any results for that Mayflower Moving Case yet, Perkins? Cause
I've got the A.D.A. breathing down my neck. And you know what happens
then. He starts nibbling at it a little and giving it little sucky-kisses and
you know how much I hate that. Especially when he wears that strawberry
lip balm he likes. So, you got anything yet?"

"I was just getting to it. It'll be done in an hour. Maybe forty-five minutes
if I don't file my nails before I put on another pair of latex gloves."

"Well get your ass in gear and test that sample quick."

The Cap'n always liked using the phrase "test that sample quick." I
figured it was a Yale thing and usually let it pass without giving him
any crap about it.