• Only one alcoholic binge per novel, even if your private-eye is Irish.
  • The detective is enormously successful with women, even if his creator can never seem to get a date.
  • The detective never gets his automobile broken into or stripped, even when parked for long periods of time in the worst areas of the city.
  • The detective is always a competent driver and an expert marksman, even when totally ripped.
  • For the most part, good guys carry revolvers. Bad guys carry automatics.
  • The detective has an uncommonly hard head which can take tons of abuse without developing a subdural hematoma.
  • The detective always has a ready pencil for his notebook, no matter how improbable that may seem. Similarly, he never looses his notebook either.
  • Something about turtles.
  • The detective always carries beautifully printed business cards which convey the idea that he also has a really nice office, which he doesn't.
  • The detective has no need to fear any ungodly increases in the price of booze, cigarettes, or gasoline, which would diminish the quality of his private-eye lifestyle.[/B]