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I have to admit, though it pains me greatly, P.M.P.I isn't the most
actively sought-out blog on the internet. In fact on the Opera Community
blog ranking, and the last time I checked, it fell so far off of the
list of Most Visited blogs that I couldn't even find it in the top 1000.
And that's just the Opera Community that's being considered. Let alone
the whole internet. In fact I think that P.M.P.I. comes in just below
the "Things to Do with Rubber Bands" blog and the "Skippie's Vacation
Photos Volume 3" blog. Now, I can kind of understand P.M.P.I. being
behind "Things to Do with Rubber Bands." That's a pretty interesting
blog. I turn to it myself sometimes when I've got a few rubber bands
lying around that I don't know what to do with. But "Skippie's Vacation
Photos"? C'mon, that's just depressing. Especially since he only went to
Cleveland for the vacation.

There are some things that I have tried lately to get the hit count up
(read: attract new readers). I found an interesting article on the
Blogger site about how to get more viewers to your blog. Most of the
things they suggested I had already done or don't really have the time
to do. One thing I did do, and it was easy, was to add tags to my
individual blog entries. I found that with the new tags that my hit
count doubled — from a really pathetic twenty hits per day to a mildly
pathetic 50 hits per day. Not exactly the type of thing to get me
leaping out of my chair and breaking open the champagne, but it was

This site is intended to get me closer to my goal, which is to publish
my fiction in "normal" book form. To do that I will have to deal with
the agents and editors and the whole publishing world, which can be a
very daunting and sometimes depressing experience — not to mention time
consuming. Until then I've got this blog here. In a way the blog is
great, inasmuch as it allows me to do certain things like edit my
stories pretty much on the fly — if I change my mind about a passage
two months down the line I can just go back in and change it. I can do
short fiction, which is generally not too marketable unless you are
already a well known writer. I don't have to worry about publishing
on other internet fiction sites. And, eventually, I might even somewhere
down the line get all the damn typos out of my stories — Jeeezzzus!

And there are other things that I have done on this blog that you could
say fall into the category of advertising, although the original intent
might not have been for them to serve as advertising. In that vein there
are my Cover Art Mini-Stories, which are fast to read and hopefully
entertaining and which might draw people to the site. I've done reviews,
too, stuff like reviews of "DaVinci's Inquest" or even something of a non-
review of "The Black Dahlia." I've done profiles of my characters in
Dusk Until Dawn in the hope that might tempt people to actually read the
novel. All of this stuff, or at least most of it, I can do quickly and
it doesn't take much out of the time devoted to creating new fiction. I
can do most of it while I eat my supper sandwich.

Still, it occurs to me that I haven't done nearly enough in this regard
in terms of the advertising. But here are a few things that I've been
thinking about that might help things along:

— a book review of the 1950s private-eye novel "Dumb Blondes in Red
Teddies." Alternatively, just WRITE "Dumb Blondes in Red Teddies" and
post it.

— a photo of my dog Baron (aka "Bugsy") also dressed in a red Teddie
(sorry Baron, but you're taking one for the team).

— A 'reality-blog' segment called "Cleaning Off my Desk", which will be
a daily thing and in which I will post a new daily photo of my desk
being cleaned off in stages. The only problem with that idea is that I
would actually have to clean off my desk. And then I wouldn't be able to
find anything. Well, I'll just have to talk with the producers about
that one.

— Launch a vicious personal attack on just about every public figure
I can think of, including every writer of private-eye fiction currently
running as well as publishers and internet detective fiction sites. The
idea here is to accomplish the same kind of pyhrric "victory" that
Hezbollah accomplished in southern Lebanon. People may very well hate
my guts, but they'll come to the site. As they say, "There's no such
thing as bad publicity." Unless you're Tom Cruise.

— The creation of new tags such as HOT SEX and ULTRA HOT SEX and FREE
MP3 DOWNLOADS, none of which have anything to do with my blog but which
might register on Google and draw in viewers.

— More stuff about sea turtles. Okay, I admit it, I was going to do
this one anyway and it probably won't help much.

— Seeing as I had more comments on my Steve Irwin post than anything
yet on the blog, I've had the idea to capitalize in the crassest way
possible upon his death by creating a new, supplemental private-eye
character that is a risk-taking wildlife conservationist as well as a
private detective. He would investigate human deaths, or sometimes
animal. "I looked at the shell of the dead turtle lying there on the
beach, and the anger in me rose up like an Indonesian tsunami. Whatever
rats-ass bastard had killed that turtle, he was going to pay, and he was
going to pay good — or my name wasn't Brick Longman, P.I." Now this is
a pretty good idea. People might come to my blog to read Brick Longman
and then kinda accidentally read some of the Pat Maginess stuff. The
only trouble with that idea is that it would involve doubling my
creative output. And I don't think there are enough hours in the day
for that.

One last thing. I guess maybe I could just write better. A lot better.
Because that's what it always comes down to. No matter how much
confidence I drum up the realization of the daunting task of it all
sometimes gets me down and I just end up thinking that it's just my
fault, that I'm just not hitting the nail on the head somehow with the

Well, time will tell, I guess. In the meantime, you can always go to
that rubber band blog.