According to the Fed, January will see a small yet significant rise in
overall rates charged by superheroes to get mankind out of our
The new rates are as follows, and are based upon the average
superhero fee per incident.
Saving Earth from giant meteor/asteroid — 3.2 billion
Kicking alien ass — 1.3 billion
Foiling evil villains — 20.8 million
Subduing telekinetic children — 1.1 million
Eliminating totalitarian bad guys from the future — 50 million
Saving Tokyo from radioactive mutant species — still no takers
The biggest increase was the rate for subduing telekinetic children,
which climbed from $575,000 in 2006. Justifying the rate hike, sources
quoted Batman as saying that the children were "just a royal pain in the
ass. I don't know anyone who likes messing with them."
Meanwhile, members of the Japanese government and the Tokyo business
community have been reported to be in negotiations with Superman for the
possible relief of their city from Godzilla, Rotan, Mothra, or any other
giant radioactive creature that will inevitably attack the city. Yoshihisa
Maitani, president of the Tokyo Chamber of Commerce, has stated that
"the Japanese people admire Superman very much" and that "we hope to
have him under retainer in the very near future."
Tokyo — Still no relief in spite of wealth.