Bill Gates with his Hottie Hackers.

REDMOND, WA. Saying that he wanted to "steer the Microsoft Corporation
in a different direction" before his possible retirement, Bill Gates
announced at a press conference today the acquisition of 89 percent of
Hooters, Inc.

Gates said that Microsoft would be starting a chain of "Hottie Hacker"
coffee shops with full Wi-fi access and "hottie hacker" servers.

Gates concluded the press conference by saying "I want everybody out
there to know that I'm young, I'm rich, and that I'm looking for action."

Although Gates' wife could not be reached for comment, the announcement
did draw a fairly rapid response from Apple, Inc. guru Steve Jobs. "I always
knew this day would come" Jobs told reporters. "A guy that tightly wired,
you just knew he was going to unravel eventually."