Concerned that a deteriorating defense satellite might possibly crash to
earth and release lethal gas, the U.S. Military today announced that it
would send Charles Bronson to take out the satellite at some time in the
next 10 days.

Bronson was given the job when the plan to destroy the satellite with a
missile came under fire from certain civilian quarters.

Although Bronson's death was reported in 2003, Bronson has in fact been
alive these past years and has been employed by the government to protect
Area 51 against any scumbags who might come around. The military has
been saving Bronson back for just such a contingency as the satellite.

China, who destroyed one of their own satellites last year, was not happy
with the announcement. "We would actually prefer the U.S. shoot it down
with a missile" Chinese authorities said. "Because that Charles Bronson,
he's a pretty tough guy."