My upstairs neighbor has been making way too much noise lately. In fact,
I'm thinking about writing a letter to the Management place that we all
mail our rent checks to. Although I hate to do it. First, I'm really not
much of a complainer. "Live and let live" is my philosophy. Not only
that but I've ran into my upstairs neighbor, whose name is Gary, in
front of the mailboxes and such. I have a rule not to get involved with
my neighbors, so it's not like we're close personal friends or anything,
but the few times I've talked with Gary he seemed like a nice enough
kind of guy.

But boy has he been noisy since he moved in about a year ago. First of
all there's the shaving thing. I don't mind if Gary and his girlfriend
make a little noise playing the stereo and such when she visits. But
they seem to spend most of their time with what sounds like like some
sort of hair clippers, giving each other shaves. They'll get real excited
and jump up and down on the bed or the living room floor and start moaning
as they shave each other, the gentle sound of the clippers humming in the
background. All I can say is, they must have the smoothest damn bodies in
town. Maybe they're body builders or something, I guess that would explain
it. Nevertheless it sometimes keeps me awake.

Then there's his girlfriend's cane whacking thing. Now I'm sure that she
is a nice girl and all. But evidently she's a school teacher, because
she spends a lot of time practicing with her cane. One hell of a lot of
time. You'll hear her whack the pillows of the couch or sometimes the
bedroom pillows. Her cane whacking gets both her and Gary excited. You
just wouldn't believe the moans and foul language that come out of their
mouths as she whacks those pillows. I would seriously break my PG-13 rating
here repeating all of it. And as if that wasn't bad enough, she sometimes
likes to practice her pillow whacking when she has girlfriends in. Which
seems to just get them all going with the moaning and the foul language
and such. I really don't understand why she needs to get in so much
practice with that cane. You'd think that an hour or so a month would be
enough to keep in practice. Besides, I thought that corporal punishment
had been banned a long time ago. Maybe she teaches at a private school
though, who knows.

And then there are Gary's Friday night video game parties with his
buddies. I don't know what video game Gary is playing up there, but it
has this really loud pumping sound in the background. Not like a vacuum
cleaner, more like a pumping that you would hear deep within the bowels
of a cargo ship. He must have the game connected up to his surround
sound, as it vibrates the entire floor when they play. Which only adds
to the loud moaning that goes on when they play it. Add to that the loud
disco music they have on in the background and it sounds like all hell is
breaking loose up there.

Besides that there's Gary's religious group. Now I really hate to mention
this one. What religion a person practices is up to them. It's in the
Constitution. But I have to say that when Gary has his religious group
in they are pretty damn noisy with all the strange chanting they do. And
the fact that they never seem to get started in their religious services
till midnight compounds the problem and really keeps me awake. I just
don't see why they can't get together on Sunday morning like everybody
else. But like I said, I even feel guilty about mentioning any of this
religious business. I figure that what with all the poor babies that
have turned up missing lately in the neighborhood that we need all the
prayers we can get. Although I will say that if they bring that damn
bleating goat back in for another of their services, that's where I draw
the line. I'm pretty sure there's something in the lease about not
having goats in the apartment.

I figure I'll give it another month or so and see what happens. Summer
is coming up, and with the better weather and longer daylight hours
maybe there will be less of the constant shaving and pillow whacking
and video game playing going on. If not, I guess I'm just gonna have
to write that letter.