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Last night I woke up. I had to go to the bathroom, so I did that. Then,
feeling a bit of indigestion, I went into the kitchen and got a little
cold water. I went back to the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed
and drank it. I got under the covers and pulled the blanket up to my
chest. Under it, I ran my fingers and palms over the coolness of the
sheets — something that has always given me great pleasure.
I knew I should have turned on the oxygen machine and put the cannula
in my nose. But once again, I was too stubborn. The cannula just has a
tendency to fall off my nose anyway once I get to sleep. I would have to
duct tape it to my cheeks to get it to stay. It doesn't seem worth it.
Once, a long time ago it seems, I wondered what it would be like not to
have to breathe. And I listened to the rowers on the barque, heading
towards dawn, and realized what it would be like never to have to
breathe.
I passed on the oxygen. I began to wonder what it would be like never to
have to sleep.
We humans need sleep. Our physical brains need it. Without sleep, without
those periods of unconsciousness where we can turn off our brain for a
while, reality shreds itself, we go mad.
Over the past years my sleep periods — that is what I must call them —
have been unusual to say the least. I have problems with insomnia
sometimes. I also have trouble breathing, caused by the fact that my
heart isn't pumping enough blood to my lungs. If I sleep with my torso
angled up on the pillows it helps me to get more oxygen, but usually I
will slide down a bit as I sleep and eventually the lack of oxygen will
wake me up. So I sit up for a while. Sometimes, there not being a lot to
do in the middle of the night, I will go to the computer and work. Or
sometimes I just sit there and let my thoughts drift.
Then too there has been my dog, Baron. He died last June, but before
that, in fact for several years, he would wake me up wanting down off
the bed. He had become an older dog with sore bones. So I would have
to put him down off the bed, wait till he returned from getting himself
a drink or some kibbles in the kitchen, then pick him up and put him on
the bed again.
About that time it was usually getting morning. All the little sounds
would begin to rise up — the sound of distant traffic, people running
water in my building, doors opening and closing. The sounds of morning.
Finally, after a while, I would get back to sleep.
Over a period of two years I doubt that I have gottten more than three
straight hours of sleep on any one night. These have been my "nights" —
awake, then asleep for a bit, then awake again, then asleep, then awake
and then asleep again.
It has been downright crazy. But that has been my life.
As I laid in bed last night, I wondered about sleep. Or the lack of it.
My earthly body needs sleep. But what if I would leave it? No brain, no
body, no need for sleep. No more would there be a way to turn my mind
off. No comforting cave of sleep to hide in. Just pure consciousness.
Just learning: The mathematics of weather patterns on a distant world.
The chemistry of the nucleotides of a species of fern. The physics of an
imploding star. Sunset and sunrise on a million worlds.
Eternal night and light. Far from sleep, forever.
Sometimes I crave that eternal learning, Edward. Especially when I can't sleep, too. I tend to think too much at those times. Love, loss, life, lessons both wanted and unwanted. But then I think, "I'm not finished yet. More lessons to learn here."I'm thinking of you, my friend.:heart::smile:
And I thought that I had problems sleeping. :eyes:
since I am one of the minorities that need no more than 3-4 hours of sleep a day,I could have been your card playing partner!I know you can be too smart for me to play cards but I couldn't think any other better way to kill time in a dark night! :pI was wondering where the Hollywood ladies were partying last night and they did not visit you !:heart:
@ Star. I hear ya. And thanks so much.@ Aadil. It's that woman in your drawing. It's all her fault. :down:
Usually I drop dead around midnight, and sometimes I wake up in the same position I layed in the evening. My sleepless nights are very rare. And I am happy for that 🙂
I never did Ed,it must be fun!If I am awake for more than 20 minutes,I usually open my Greek Blog and I chat with some members that seems to be always available!maybe I can tech you Greek :DI am taking Spanish these days and I do enjoy it very much!XX A :heart:
This sounds awfully troublesome. But is also awfully well written. You have th ability to make words work for you. They reach out and connect – thereby generating understanding.However troublesome your nights are – you're not entirely alone. Your gentle spirit and dry sense of humour make way for friendships. And with friends in the world, one is never alone.
@ Angeliki. Maybe we could do one of those on-line card playing things. I'm pretty good at poker, when I want to be.@ Darko. I am so glad about that…that you are among the sleepful ones. :)@ Allan. Jeezus. I don't even know what to say to all of that. When I am awake at night, I will think of my friends. :up:And by the way, your Golf Island post was perfectly written. I would never know, in most cases, that you are ESL. You learned very well and, knowing you perhaps a bit, I would say that you are always learning. And of course in the main, that's what this post was all about.
but of course!I was teaching Ancient Greek till last January in a Greek School in Astoria New York!I did give up one of my many activities just 7 months ago :)I envy people that know Russian. My late uncle(the monk) did .I wished my late mother did too! She was fluent in Bulgarian, Turkish, German and of course Greek.My dad is bilingual in Greek /Turkish. Some times he was trying to use English and while playing "snap" with the kids he used "snack"! 😆 you can imagine their laughter!
EXCELLENT!As St. Jerome said of Pliny the Elder, he not only "did not shirk from the study of Greek at an advanced age, but he fully expected to accomplish it.":up: :up: :up: :up: There ya go.And, after the Greek, we will switch to Linear B. And, that is this post too.
I take your description of me as a learner to be a compliment.Thank you.It took me a while to figure out what the abbreviation ESL stands for. So, I learned something today, too.Thanks again.You find Russian beautiful to listen to. Don't you find Danish awful, then? Most non-Danes do, I think. I've heard it described not as a language – more like a throat disease.
I overheard a conversation in the train one day between two people from that tribe, people?I guarantee you – they were the only people in the train talking at all. Everyone else were busy listening.Unusual indeed! But fascinating.
I have a textbook on Ancient Greek. You think we could work around that somehow?But…no. If a language, then Danish would be first. I took Russian as a language for Grad school, but then I got sick and didn't get through it all. So, no Russian. But I loved the language more than any I've ever come across. It was such a blast. I think of that scene in the movie 2010, where they are doing that "air braking" around Jupiter, and the beautiful Helen Mirren is counting down backwards in Russian, sweating in the effort and the uncertainty, looking just oh so hot. Like she's having an orgasm or something. Ah, Russian. Some say French. Some say Spanish. Me, I'll take Russian for those sweet nothings whispered in my ear…what a beautiful sound to the language.
I remember in school, the San of south-central Africa — their language has all of these very unusual "clicks" and "whistles" and such. I guess that's what I would call unusual to my own ear. Danish, not at all.
I'd say most Danes sit around with their iPods stuck in their ears…..
if they were in a train in Greece or Italy,they would have been the listeners!:lol:
So strange to find the San in Aarhus!Well, that's our world for 'ya.
are Danish reading in the trains??In the US you see the most weird activities ever!some are reading, some ladies put their make up on, others just sleeping.It is a city of many Immigrants and in a way I am glad the talking is very limited on the trains but "people watching" it can be fascinating too!In Greece every body blathers!If you try to read "good luck"!
Probably even stranger to find an Aarhusian where the San come from?
ha!I forgot all about ipods!:)+
Говориш по руски Ед? Хорошо :up:BTW, it was not a whisper 😆
Well, just great. Now I'll have to go look that up. I got the Russki and the korosho part at least. 😆
Yes, Serbo-Croat. Actually, today when Serbia and Croatia are two separated countries it is more politically correct to say Serbian or Croatian. But I hate to be politically correct. Sometimes people think this is rude but I am raised in certain way and now I am too old to change some things just for being politically correct. Also, it doesn`t mean a lot to me.My mother was born in Croatia and I have a lot of relatives and friends there. Serbian and Croatian language are practically the same, despite that some linguistics are trying to make more differencies nowdays…. just for being politically correct 😛
:DI was learning Russian during my primary school, for about 7 years, but now I forgot almost everything. But I improved my English :happy:
What is your native language, Serbo-Croat?If you don't mind me asking.
No problem 🙂
Thanks. :up:
I have absolutely no problems sleeping, never had. I can sleep anywhere, at anytime and with anyone. I've gone to sleep and woken up the strangest of places – indoors as well as outdoors. I'm a certified alcoholic (sober for years now, but I do remember), which means that sleep has not always been a voluntary act to me – going to sleep is no problem to alcoholics compared to the process of waking up… Figures…I can't imagine what insomnia is like. Must be extremely boring though.
my friends and i were joking around the other day. seems the older we get, the less power we have over the whole sleep issue. one of them claims he passes out and comes to without ever touching a drop of alcohol or caffine. another proclaimes he can sleep in the middle of a tornado, soundly. me, i can't seem to lay down and get still without setting the alarm clock or i'll be there for at least three hours and wake with a crick in my neck or a stiff back. seems i work myself so hard that i exhaust my body/mind to the point that if i'm not active, i sleep for hours. i can't believe i have to set an alarm clock just to wake myself up from a short nap!
Sounds like you've been burning the candle at both ends, Deb. :down:Sleep is an interesting phenomenon. Even our brain waves change when we sleep. Kinda scary, maybe.
I really don't know. Only you (or your psychologist) could answer that one. I would say one thing, though: If you are the type of person who worries about getting to someplace 5 minutes faster, then you probably need to re-think your life a bit.
why would you say it is a bad thing to burn the candle at both ends? (just curious) . . . . maybe i'm trying too hard to have a life and a career?