Tiger Woods in his golden years. Which has
pretty much been the entire last decade.

Under criticism about possible extra-marital affairs and following a late-
night accident in his SUV, Tiger Woods, arguably the greatest golfer in
American history and perhaps in anybody's history, has seemingly done a
Where's Waldo and disappeared off the map. Paparazzi and journalists the
world over have been trying to find him and be the first to get that
hot photograph or the first interview. And of course the tabloid print
and television news media have been all over the story, missing or not.
Some talking heads and sports personalities have been giving their
advice to Tiger, talking about what he should do. And some have been
of the opinion that the matter is Tiger's affair only and that he should
be left alone — even as they sit there for hours on end on news programs
and talk about how he should be left alone.

Well I thought that as long as everybody else was throwing their nickel's
worth in that I might as well do the same.

So Tiger, here's what I would do if I were you:

  • Divorce your wife and give her any settlement she wants. Given events it's
    probably going to happen anyway and you might as well get it over with.
  • Retire from golf. Everybody already knows you are the greatest ever, with
    14 major championships in just 11 years. Winning a few more tournaments
    isn't going to elevate that. In fact even winning 20 more major tournaments
    wouldn't really add anything, it would just be beating a horse to death.
  • Move to Paris. I just picked Paris due to the fact that so many unhappy
    American expatriots have settled there.
  • Open up a miniature golf course ("putt-putt") outside Paris. A lot of
    people don't play standard golf on a big course. But many people do
    like to play miniature golf every once in a while. You could charge $200
    US per person to play on the course, and people would no doubt pay it
    just to play on the official Tiger Woods Miniature Golf Course. You could
    even give a little 2" plastic statue to everyone when they finish to put
    on their mantle and show off to their friends.
  • Kick back, sip margaritas, eat great food, watch the sunset, watch the
    sunrise, and enjoy life while you are young in a way most young people
    don't get to do.

Well, that's my advice; take it or leave it. I imagine you will leave it.