Well it seems that Cleveland Clinic, the hospital
where I had my open heart surgery in 1966, can't
find my medical records.

So I've come up with a couple of theories as to
what might have happened to them.

Theory No. 1

They ran out of newspaper to wrap fish in, so
they used my medical records.

Theory No. 2

"The dingo ate my records."

Theory No. 3

My records are being stored at the top-secret Area 51
— along with the alien flying saucer that crashed at
Roswell, the military's secret time machine, and proof
of the JFK conspiracy.

Theory No. 4

They were accidentally stored in the tomb of Rameses I.

Theory No. 5

They are just too lazy to get off their frigging asses
and out of their chair and go search for them.

I am currently leaning towards Theory No. 3. In any
case I hope to find out something more conclusive in
what we will just call "the not too-distant future."