As try as I might to create good things here on this blog over the past five years or so, there seems to be what one may call Earthly Powers that always seem to be working against that. In the past it has made me angry. But I am afraid I have no anger left, no desire for the good fight. The pyramids have been torn down and new pyramids put up, Pyramids v. 2.1, complete with escalators, a bottega, and a gift shop. And all that is left in me now is a kind of sadness.
To a certain extent of course we are bound to have to deal with those Earthly Powers. We all need some money coming in, a roof over our head and food to eat. Most in our culture these days need electricity, and perhaps a cable connection. But it has occurred to me over the past few days, giving serious thought to all of it, that I could at least push back the influence of those Earthly Powers a bit. Since my diagnosis with a heart condition in 2005 I have slowly been pushing things back, letting go. But to push off these Powers I think is both a letting go and perhaps a return to more basic things, things which have little dependence on those Earthly Powers.
I would like to pick up a reading knowledge of a few languages other than the English that I have always been stuck in. I would like to read some books, history, perhaps go back and re-read a few of my favorite plays or novels — The Tempest, the Alexandria Quartet — old loves. Since Winter is here, and since I now have a full-size pulmonary valve for the first time in my life, I think I will do a bit of ice-skating — or perhaps I should say ice-falling. I want to spend more time with the violin and find a new teacher. And I intend to write; not detective fiction or even the Tiny Tales but something new, I want to push the envelope as far as I can currently push it. Whether I will succeed at it I don't know. But as my dad always used to say, "You never know until you try."